Born From Boodshed

Understanding who you are… reflections of a “white man”.

Don’t read this if you are easily triggered. These are my reflections and thoughts, not gospel of truth.



These reflections and memories are part of my identity, not the identity.

Many men, especially “white” men for want of a better term, are confused about who they are. Not in all contexts, but for a lot of our lives “we” have been the mainstream, the mainstream of marketing of products, the mainstream of public figures, the mainstream of narratives, the mainstream of heroic figures cast upon the screens in movies, figures in plays , characters in stories…. products of story TELLING….now again we are the mainstream this time we have fallen from the protagonists role into the antagonist, the villain, the creators of chaos, pain and destruction. What can we learn from this shift? how can we stand in identity with power when “our” identity is being cast as the ultimate corruption of power.

We have been folded and moulded into workers, creating the back bone of societies with many dysfunctions and perils, societies that have down trodden other peoples and cultures.

As a collective race, humanity in all it’s unique expressions, we are seeing mass resurgence and expressions of cultures nearly dead and extinguished, rising from the ashes of colonial subjugation and mass coercion. It’s at times, a very raw and traumatic experience for all.



What I have learnt and want to share with you in this writing is where I know I came from.

I was born from bloodshed…

I will now aim to clarify what that means to me, my indentity and form some understanding for yourself.



I am the descendant of Britons, an ancient Celtic race who once populated, lived and expressed human existence across what is now called England.

I am a descendant of the Picts, ancient pre-Scots people once covered in animalistic tattoo, spirals and designs that reflected their beliefs, experiences and energy.



I am the descendant of the Gaelic peoples, Irish, Scottish, Welsh + more. Peoples that embraced colours, diversity and passion for life.



I am born from the loins of Germanic tribes. Warriors obsessed with killing and following manifestations of gods obsessed with killing, betrayal and conquest.



I am the manifestation of Anglo-Saxons, another intermingling and expression of Germanic lineage who were highly interested in controlling others and organising humans into structured systems.

I am the product of Roman conquest. The echo of 100s of years of subjugation and control that still reverberates to this day.



I am the product of ‘Viking’ - perhaps translated as sea voyaging with the intention of plunder, r*pe, destruction and control.



I am the offspring of french knights and ‘kings’ who sought to take control of perceived birthrights.




Remembering can be painful

What does this variety of heritage all have in common?


DEATH, DESTRUCTION & DOMINATION.

When I was 15, I wrote my first set of lyrics for a song in music class.


“Death and destruction it fills my head, this repetition it’s like I’m dead”.

My music teacher was shocked, so was I, but that was what immediately came to me. That’s as far as I got with those lyrics but they have stuck with me for over 15 years.


I am now only just coming to terms with and understanding what this means. This is an expression of the 1000s of years old trauma that sits within my DNA. The many murders and acts of violence not only committed upon others, but received by my ancestors as well.



All of these ancestors fought each other, destroyed each other, dominated each other, had their days of power and their days as slaves.

 “England” as it’s known today, is a very small but powerful energetic structure that has magnetized power, lust and violence towards it. Continually.



It has been the centre stage of violent conflict and foreign oppression under it’s many cultural shifts.

Then, this energy of death, destruction and domination projected its presence out into the corners of the world. That long spiral of intergenerational trauma spreading it’s tail across foreign lands, whipping (physically and spiritually) other cultures and peoples to their knees… 

Subjugating and punishing anything that repelled the dysfunctional expansion of power and control.

So what does this mean for identity, specifically for “white men”? This means that to understand who you are, you must deeply understand what you were made from. Accepting that you are the product of violence and destruction.

ACCEPTANCE does not mean an ENDORSEMENT.



Acceptance means understanding what was, understand what was, to understand what is.

What is your path?
Will you continue to perpetuate violence? Perhaps not in a physical sense, but are you perpetuating that violence in thought? by consuming violent media eg movies, games, magazines, pictures… the more you feed that internal desire for violence, the more your identity will be shaped by violence and perpetuate and propel those violent histories and identities. 
That violent tendency… that is the part of ourselves we must accept and release CONTINUALLY in order to rebuild our collective identities in a positive and progressive light.



Our ancestors had many positive attributes, uplifting practices, spiritual wisdom and dynamic process that empowered them to live, at times, in peace, prosperity and piety.



However, that internal self hatred has been fed by 1000s of years of destructive violence. Dating back even further than the “races” and “cultures” we can actively remember... further back to when a primitive human picked up a rock and smashed another humans skull into pieces… that rush of dopamine and adrenaline fuelling a cosmic spiral of karmic trauma that we are still all feeling deeply to this day.



In summary all races are born of bloodshed, violence and pain… dating back to reptilian manifestations that attacked and ate each other, vying for dominance and control.



It is convenient for some to forget this and just focus on the past 200 years. Not wanting to delve into the deep trauma and fear their ancestors faced when a collective force of opposing humans of the same supposed “race” were about to cross into their lands… armed with wooden and stone weaponry designed for one thing, KILLING HUMANS.



Collectively, to move forward, let’s continue to honour our ancestors but also to transmute their experiences of pain and power into love and balance.



To find out who you are, you must remember what you were.