Sober, Day 1,309
Values
Greetings, it’s another sober Sunday here in my world.
Most Sundays I used to wake up groggy, disgusted, regretful and literally poisoned.
When I decided to get sober I wasn’t too interested in the facts! I was more drawn to feeling! What would it feel like to not drink for a whole week? What would it feel like to not drink for a month. What would it feel like to honour the deep desire of my conscience? It kept whispering to me, that there was more to this life than sucking back fermented sugary yeast.
So what held me back for so long? I was scared. I was scared of loosing my identity. I was scared of loosing friendships. I was scared of loosing myself… (even though I was already completely lost)
Alcohol has a way of becoming the identity. When we continually surround ourselves with other people that drink, an unconscious bond is formed. A subconscious pattern that in order for us to be accepted we have to act a certain way e.g. drink alcohol. This becomes an unspoken agreement.
When we continually use alcohol to escape from our real feelings, the feeling of being drunk feels like the “normal” state we can operate from.
In the early stages of me wanting to get sober, one of the hardest parts I faced was the reality that I would have to let go of a lot of people in my life. Including letting go of parts of myself.
An environment rife with alcohol and drug abuse will never be conducive to the act of living a sober life
Letting go of people does not mean that you have to give them notice, formally ending friendships with a solemn speech or text. You have to decide what the f**k you value
Do you value being drooled all over by a drunken maniac telling you how much they love you? (only because they are 12 beers and 6 shots deep)
Do you value only being invited somewhere because drinking is involved? (others invite you because you will validate their unhealthy addictions with your own)
Do you value vulnerability that is only accessible when people are high? wasted? drunk? Fake love curated by a cocktail of substances and stimulants…
Or
do you value REAL connection? Do you value having a healthy body? Do you value being able to make critical decisions with a clear and calm mind?
Do you value being accepted for who you are without substance, stimulants or synthetic expansion of your psychology?
Values build the foundation of identity. Values create unity within community. Personal Sovereignty is forged through the application of values, understanding them, actioning them and honoring them, day in, day out.
I want to share with you the values that I live by each day, that guide my experience and goals:
STRONG SOBER SECURE
I’ll now break each value down: how I think about it, application and actions.
STRONG:
Having the strength to stay committed to my goals. Creating a strong resilient body. Crafting a mind that can handle friction and change. Creating strong bonds with my partner, children, clients, community and family. Communicating with the strength and clarity to speak and express my opinions, thoughts and beliefs. Cultivating the strength to hold others accountable as well as myself.
SOBER:
Living a life free from substance and stimulants. Abstaining from alcohol, drugs, plant medicines etc. Striving to experience the dynamic range of life’s experiences with a crystal clear presence. Everyday cultivating my sense of awareness in sobriety; for example the daily meditation practice that I use happens before anything enters my body, mind, thoughts or vision. Striving to delve into the ultimate union with god, without anything but my breath and presence (and maybe nature at times 🍃). The way I view sobriety also extends to to things like living a life free from pornography. Keeping the mind and body, clean and focused. Reducing processed and industrial foods. Abstaining from smoking products etc.
SECURE:
Understanding who I am. Understanding where I have come from. The security and confidence to implement and use the tools that I know work. Feeling secure in my relationships and understanding what I can contribute to them, how I affect them and what I will accept and not accept. Understanding and knowing that everyone is walking a unique path: I am responsible for my own actions, not those of others. Security means connecting with other humans that are trustworthy, safe and respectful.
So how did I create these values? Through contrast.
Before I fastened myself the above values of Strength, sobriety and security, I realized I already had some “values” they were:
WEAK WASTED WORRIED
My body was soft, I didn’t train. I made excuses everyday. It was everyone else’s fault. I was continually coerced into drugs by my own drunken mind and the drunken arrogance of others. I was worried about what others thought of me - I tried to act how I thought people wanted me to be, instead of standing in my truth. My self-worth caved from the words of others and their opinions. I had no foundation to support myself. My daily actions included indulging in video games - pretending to be someone else. Using porn everyday, creating an unhealthy emotional dependence on digital imagery. Drinking to escape my feelings. Amplifying my loneliness with marijuana, using social media to fuel my resentment and isolation….
You get the picture.
This is why living by a simple set of values is SO crucial!
The quickest way to create and understand your values is to understand what is not working for you first.
Often it is easier to think of negativity first as a human, use this as a tool to discover what you are f*cking sick and tired of experiencing. Then think about the opposite of that
EG
Weak - Strong
Wasted - Sober
Worried - Secure
I’d love to hear what your values are!?
Contrast will give you clarity
